The New Green Man, a Poem

By Mitch Nathanson, Historical Columnist 

Do you like our new green man?

We do not like him, say Phillies fans.

Would you like him at the game?

 

We would not like him at the game.

We think your reboot is quite lame.

We do not like your new green man.

We do not like him, say Phillies fans.

 

Would you like him on the field?

Would you like him when four-wheeled?

 

We do not like him on the field.

We do not like him when four-wheeled.

We do not like him here or there.

We do not like him anywhere.

We do not like your new green man.

We do not like him, say Phillies fans.

 

Would you like him with new shoes?

Would you like him in new hues?

 

Not with new shoes. Not in new hues.

Not on the field.  Not when four-wheeled.

We do not like him here or there.

We do not like him anywhere.

We do not like your new green man.

We do not like him, say Phillies fans.

 

Would you?  Could you?  With a new snout?

Love it! Love it!  So short and stout!

 

We would not, could not, love that snout.

 

You may like it, you will see.

You may even yell, “Yippee!”

 

We would not, could not, yell “Yippee!”

Just give us our old one, leave him be.

We do not like him on the field.

We do not like him when four-wheeled.

We do not like him with new shoes.

We do not like him in new hues.

We do not like him here or there.

We do not like him anywhere.

We do not like your new green man.

We do not like him, say Phillies fans.

 

You do not like him, so you say.

But we will change him anyway.

For if we don’t we’ll have to pay.

 

Don’t tell us of legalities.

We just want him like he used to be.

 

Soooo…fix the problem however you can.

And we will love him once again.

We will love him on the field.

And we will love him when four-wheeled.

And we will love him at the game.

Because our old Phanatic is Hall of Fame.

But this new thing you made is a disgrace.

And on our field it has no place.

That you tried to do this on the cheap,

Makes us think you are a creep.

We like, no love, our old green man.

He’s what made us Phillies fans.

Mess with him and you will see,

How many fewer Phillies fans there will be.