Eagles Must Sacrifice the Positivity Rabbit

The Eagles thought they could fix a losing streak with a giant inflatable Easter bunny. Not extra practice, not accountability, not even a halfway competent game plan—nope. A smiling, inflatable Positivity Rabbit shoved into the locker room was apparently the magic cure.

Monday night proved… shockingly, it wasn’t. Five turnovers. Drops that would embarrass a Pop Warner team. Horrendous decisions. If the bunny was supposed to radiate positivity, it clearly didn’t!

Maybe it’s time for something more extreme. Take a page out of Pedro Cerrano’s book and sacrifice a chicken or something. Surely there’s a football version of Jobu out there, laughing somewhere at our attempts to outsource team morale to holiday inflatables.

Get rid of the Positivity Rabbit. Deflate it, drag it to the parking lot, let fate—or the wind—deal with it. Because at this point, nothing else seems capable of saving this team.